Life in Neverland

  The week from Hell is coming to a close. 

Let me just point out that my life has been full of losing people. People have been dying all around me since I was only 13 years old. It doesn’t get easier, but it likes to pretend it does.

So Sunday, April Fools Day, I find out that my very good friend’s brother has just died. I think it’s a joke and get very angry about someone making some stupid shit like that up. Unfortunately, it was true. He was 17. He was playing with a gun, it appeared to be empty. He shot it at 5 of his friends and nothing happened, but when he put it to his chest, that one bullet that was lodged in the chamber ended up inside of him, killing him in an instant. 

Can I just say that I was a mess? Because I was. To say the least. I grew up with him. He was that annoying, evil little brother that I never had. I had him. And he’s gone. 

So I went to see the family on Monday after rehearsal. We watched videos he had made with his friends, and put together the picture boards. His spirit was in the house that night and he messed with us until about 4 AM when we finally said goodnight to him and finished everything up. 

Tuesday was the wake and fucking Fox news showed up. They’re such assholes. Leave the family alone. They have enough to deal with right now.

The funeral almost killed me. Bag pipers are a no no. They make everyone sob uncontrollably and I can’t handle it. Besides, Tommy hated bagpipes. 

So now, here I am. Worrying about everyone. Terrified that I’m going to lose my boyfriend, I’m constantly hugging him and telling him to call me when he gets to where he’s going, reminding him how much I love him and how lucky I am to have him. I watched a 15 year old girl sob over her dead boyfriend. That’s so wrong. I can’t even imagine the pain. 

So, here I am. My period came and made the emotions even stronger. I’m in and out of crying fits and just pissy about everything. I can’t wait until this is all over. For once, I’m looking forward to Monday.